Letting go: A process of change and liberation

Letting go: A process of change and liberation

Life is transitory, as are the links we make throughout it. Emotional conflicts can wear down, use a lot of your time, energy and sometimes can cause you to lose focus to give solution and continuity to what you can do. How many responsibilities, concerns or extra burdens do you carry on yourself? Do you find it comfortable to take that “extra emotional weight” everywhere you go? Perhaps you could lighten some of that weight and thus be able to flow more freely through life.


  • 1 Letting go
  • 2 Denial blocks your potential for change
  • 3 Fear of hurting
  • 4 First step: Acceptance
  • 5 “Let go”: a fire process
  • 6 Leaving the comfort zone

Letting go

"Letting go" is almost always an arduous process, although it happens naturally when a person realizes that a situation, behavior, person or object no longer fulfills certain functions, then a cognitive reassessment is made, deciding to give a step forward. Although "turning the page of the situation" involves a lot of effort, perhaps The pain of continuing in the same circumstances or with the same relationship may be even greater than the fears of acting.

You can "let go": Memories that hurt you, limiting beliefs, behaviors, such as unhealthy or unproductive habits, a job that does not satisfy you, toxic relationships, fears, blame, "would", grudges, even things you don't use and that can benefit someone else. Sometimes it is more complex to “let go” of the people you love but who left in some way, those who no longer want or can be with you anymore.

Denial blocks your potential for change

Heartbreak and betrayal hurts, so many times people cling to the lies they tell them and that "they tell themselves", thus making reality more bearable. Sincerely: The negation

When you are in the "denial" stage, you block important parts of yourself, you can lose opportunities to change and grow, to put your talents at the service of others and benefit from it, as well as wasting valuable time to stay in touch with people who really appreciate you and vice versa.

Falling into denial, helps us initially to process what happens, so it is a defense mechanism. However, it is advisable to move forward. When emotions are not well identified and his motives, the person You may feel tired of experiencing certain situations over and over again, like in a maze with no way out.

Fear of hurting

It is valid and even natural, to feel fear of expressing what we feel when that implies that a relationship becomes more worn or fractured, That only reflects how important the person is to you, which is why you avoid a confrontation, are features of social intelligence.

How many words without saying have you saved so as not to hurt someone? By repressing yourself to express your feelings and your emotions just to avoid harming others, for the love or respect you have for that person, you add emotional burdens on you, which can cause damage to your health. It is better to try to express and work what you feel, as well as everything that it generates within you. Sometimes, there are situations in life where by not hurting someone you love, or by not worsening a situation, you "keep things", or resigning yourself to situations that are not convenient. The fear of harming others has its origin in love, many times.

At work, if you had an authoritarian and uncompromising boss, it would be difficult to express exactly what you really think and feel, especially if it is upset, you would have to find the right place and time, speak assertively, be diplomatic and take a good one. emotional charge to your speech, if you don't want to be affected. At home it is not good to discuss with your partner in front of children, to name a couple of examples. This is all part of a good emotion management, these play a fundamental role in our lives, they all have a very important function, from joy to sadness, it is natural to sometimes feel angry or sad.

If it costs you work regulate your emotions, you may look for ways to express them more healthily, so that you can be self-contained and not harm yourself, or others: You can be your own “regulator”. Culture, art and sports are a great medium for these purposes, because through these activities you can: “let go”Your emotions in a healthy way. When these options are not enough it is necessary to seek professional psychological help.

First step: Acceptance

The first step to generate changes is acceptance, identifying how the suffering has nested in you can be useful. When a behavior or a person causes you greater pain than what you generate because of your fear, resistance to change and even loneliness, it is then time to accept that leaving behind is your best option.

It is necessary to understand that what you want that person can not give or want to give, it is difficult to accept when the moments of love and growth have been left behind; change is a constant in life, links and relationships also change over time, some relationships are fractured, while others are strengthened.

To fill a cup you must first empty it" Fragment taken from Zen tale

In the outside world there are only "detonators", but you are the one who has the power to activate them or not. We must be willing to let go of many behaviors, people and things that hurt us, many attachments must be released to be able to fill us again with new experiences.

"Letting go": a fire process

When you get tired of carrying unnecessary burdens and you get to that feeling of weariness, it is when you can release many of your fears, although most of the time it is not a simple process.

I really like the message that the story of the twins Hunahpuh and Ixbalnqué transmits to us, within the Mayan mythology, they were thrown into the underworld: Xibalbá, there they had to go through many hard tests that were imposed on them and discovered that the only way to to get out of the underworld was through it. There is no other way out to certain situations, just move forward, Although that implies fear and the knowledge that we will go through great difficulties, it is better than waiting awkwardly and foolishly for things to change, doing nothing for it.

"Letting go" does not have to imply a loss, because when you are able to release something in your life that does not do you good, You can enrich yourself, extracting the best of each experience, so that you are less likely to "stumble on the same stone" in the future. Above all, you gain your freedom, as far as the unbearable lightness of being allows.

Grief is necessary and involves giving you a reasonable period of time to recover after the difficult task of releasing emotional burdens.. When it costs you a lot of work to do it or you don't get it, it is necessary that you seek psychological support, in many cases you have to elaborate the losses to be able to fire them.

It may interest you: The 5 stages of grief

Leaving the comfort zone

I can discard what is not adequate, and keep what is, and invent something new for what I have discarded" Virginia Satir

The more important people, situations or things are to us, the more we tend to cling to them, we want things to remain somewhat similar or equal, there is some fear and resistance to change, every change involves a bit of stress.

It is very easy to enter the comfort zone, and "place ourselves" there, even within the discomfort and displeasure. It is important to be updated, stay tuned for the changes that are generated around you, try to see things objectively, you can find signs that indicate that another change will be generated and so you can be prepared for them, know what direction you want to take and what are the resources you have, we must be willing to move and flow with the changes that life presents us, for this requires flexibility and will.

It is not enough to realize that things are going wrong, but to make decisions, although many times they pose a risk, this can be planned and measured to contribute to the achievement of personal goals. If you take too long waiting for circumstances to change doing things the same way, you might miss many opportunities, it is better that you concentrate on taking small steps to make the changes or adjustments that you require in your life, than “wait”, with false optimism that things change on their own.

What would you like to do if you didn't have the bonds of fear? You have to put together courage to go out and find what we want in the middle of the maze of life, as you overcome your fears you can feel freer to develop your goals and fulfill your dreams.

I belong to myself and therefore I can build myself" Virginia Satir


"Letting go" is a fire process, it requires great effort, because when you release your extra emotional charges you can travel through life with more freedom, as well as use that time and energy in the construction of personal goals and dreams. Sometimes we delay in making the decision to let go of a behavior, a situation that does not do us good, sometimes the most difficult thing is to release people, those who can no longer or do not want to be with you anymore; we have to do an exercise of the will to be willing to leave the comfort zone, make the pertinent adjustments in our life to have greater good- "being", if you don't get it alone, you may require psychological accompaniment.

Bibliographic reference

Satir, Virginia (1997). Human relations in the family nucleus. Mexico: Editorial Pax